Art People And A Cow
I love Jeff Koons.
Critic Robert Hughes does not love Koons and wrote that he is “an extreme and self-satisfied manifestation of the sanctimony that attaches to big bucks. Koons really does think he’s Michelangelo and is not shy to say so. The significant thing is that there are collectors, especially in America, who believe it. He has the slimy assurance, the gross patter about transcendence through art, of a blow-dried Baptist selling swamp acres in Florida. And the result is that you can’t imagine America’s singularly depraved culture without him.”
Critic Robert Hughes probably does not love chocolate either.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 42" | Edition of 5
Is there really a line of household goodies at Walmart called Jeff Koons Home™?
2005 | Carpet | 88" x 54" | 3.5" Framed | Edition of 5
Robert Rauschenberg’s Combines combined trash and found objects from the streets of New York, which he then integrated into his work.
Rauschenberg said he wanted “something other than what I could make myself and I wanted to use the surprise and the collectiveness and the generosity of finding surprises. And if it wasn’t a surprise at first, by the time I got through with it, it was. So the object itself was changed by its context and therefore it became a new thing.”
I combined gelatin, beets, carrots, green beans, peas, potatoes, ham and bologna in my Aspic Rauschenberg.
I do not grow vegetables or raise livestock in my studio.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 39" | Edition of 5
In 1953, Robert Rauschenberg bought a sketch from Wilhelm de Kooning for $500.
And erased it.
He called it Erased de Kooning Drawing.
Instant art sainthood.
In 2009, I made a chocolate St. Rauschenberg.
And dropped it.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 38.2" | Edition of 5
Damien Hirst is the guy who cuts up cows and puts the pieces in formaldehyde.
Some Comfort Gained from the Acceptance of the Inherent Lies in Everything features a cow cut into 12 pieces and ensconced in 12 separate tanks of formaldehyde.
An anonymous letter to the artist referred to him as the Josef Mengele of the animal world and suggested Hirst’s “nasty little perverted brain” was pickled.
(Mengele was a particularly nasty Nazi physician who experimented on humans.)
A reviewer in the Independent wondered if Hirst suffered from mad cow disease.
Am I the Mengele of the rug world?
Do I suffer from mad cow rug disease?
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 41" x 30" | Edition of 5
My mom calls Damien Hirst “that guy who cuts up cows and calls it art.”
Michelangelo said, “The true work of art is but a shadow of divine perfection.”
Hirst said, “It’s amazing what you can do with an E in A-level art, twisted imagination and a chainsaw.”
My mom likes Michelangelo more than she likes Damien Hirst.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 36.5" | Edition of 5
How does a cow cut up into 12 pieces and pickled in formaldehyde become art?
Damien Hirst said, “A guy from [a] knacker’s yard in Guildford cuts the cows. He cuts all the hard bone areas first, like the head, the sternum and the pelvis. Then he ties it back together, freezes it solid over two days and chainsaws the rest of it. Then he delivers it to us at the studio where the dirty work starts: we have to inject it constantly for around a week in a swimming pool–sized tank of formaldehyde, wearing dry suits and masks. We have to take all the shit out of its stomachs. The liquid has turned brown and [we] are up to our knees in it.”
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 40.5" | Edition of 5
(Sung to the tune of “Short Shorts”)
Who likes Benday dots?
Roy Lichtenstein likes Benday dots!
Who likes Roy Lichtenstein as a Benday dot?
I like Roy Lichtenstein as a Benday dot!
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 30" | Edition of 5
Also available as a red, purple and green Benday dot.
Andy Warhol said a lot of things.
One of the things Warhol said was, “I’d like to be a machine.”
So I made him a machine.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 41" | Edition of 5
Cindy Sherman said, “The still [photograph] must tease with the promise of a story the viewer of it itches to be told.”
My dad asked me, “Son, what’s the story behind you dressed like a woman?”
I said, “Dad, it’s Cindy Sherman!”
Then he said, “Who’s Cindy Sherman?”
My dad is very itchy.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 30" x 44.5" | Edition of 5
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and gay!
And I pity
Anyone who isn’t Cindy Sherman Untitled #211 today.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 17" x 22" | Edition of 5
Jordan Schnitzer is the biggest art collector in town.
He’s got more art than the Portland Art Museum.
But he could always use some more.
2005 | Real live shopping cart filled with art from Art People and a Cow.
2005 | Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308 | 20" x 25.5" | Edition of 5