Big Dumb Nazis
BEER HALL PUTSCH HITLER (1923)
Hitler started his career as the big dumb Nazi by trying to be a big dumb Nazi revolutionary in the Beer Hall Putsch.
On November 8, 1923, in Munich, he and fellow big dumb Nazis attempted to seize power by force.
He failed.
He and some other big dumb Nazi were sentenced to five years in prison at Landsberg am Lech.
Hitler served only nine months. The alone time gave him the time to write Mein Kampf.
After Landsberg, he gave up on taking over Germany by revolution and decided on a course of doing it legally.
It worked.
After that, he became known as “Adolf Legalite.”
It means “Adolf the legal one.”
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
HITLER IN PARIS
Adolf Hitler’s armies defeated France on June 22, 1940.
Hitler, accompanied by his architect, Albert Speer, visited Paris the next day at 6 a.m. In his first and only Paris vacation, Hitler proved to be a hasty tourist. He was driven through the City of Light, quickly stopping at the Opera Garnier, Napoleon’s tomb and, finally, the Eiffel Tower.
Hitler boarded a plane back to Berlin at 9 a.m.
Upon leaving, Hitler gushed to Speer, “It has been my life’s dream to visit Paris. Isn’t Paris beautiful?”
Hitler then added, “I have often deliberated on whether I shall have to destroy Paris, but when we’re ready with Berlin, Paris will be but a shadow, so why destroy it?”
What a softie, that Hitler.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
HITLER IN PARIS (IN DIOR)
On June 23, 1940, Adolf Hitler visited Paris for his first and only time.
He spent all of three hours in Paris.
Who spends only three hours in Paris?
Hitler.
Therefore, it’s safe to say, in addition to being a big dumb Nazi, Hitler was a big dumb tourist.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
HITLER CLEANS UP NICE
Adolf Hitler killed a lot of people.
He also killed the toothbrush mustache.
In 2010, Michael Jordan tried to resurrect the toothbrush mustache in a Hanes underpants commercial.
He failed.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
GOEBBELS' CRAYON
Joseph Goebbels was the creepiest big dumb Nazi.
He said such creepy things as, “Adolf Hitler, I love you because you are both great and simple at the same time.”
Ewww.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
GOEBBELS' DAISY
Joseph Goebbels was the creepiest big dumb Nazi.
He said such creepy things as, “If the day should ever come when we [the Nazis] must go, if some day we are compelled to leave the scene of history, we will slam the door so hard that the universe will shake and mankind will stand back in stupefaction.”
On May 1, 1945, Goebbels and his wife left the scene of history by committing suicide.
The night before they poisoned their six children.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
GÖRING’S BIG FAT MOUTH
Hermann Göring was the fattest big dumb Nazi.
As a big dumb fat Nazi, he had a big fat mouth and was head of the Luftwaffe.
His big dumb fat Luftwaffe mouth said, “No enemy bomber can reach the Ruhr. If one reaches the Ruhr, my name is not Göring. You may call me Meier.”
(Meier is a common name in Germany.)
Of course, enemy bombers reached the Ruhr—and just about every square inch of Germany—reducing the country to rubble.
This led both ordinary Germans and fellow big dumb Nazis to nickname Göring “Meier.”
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
GÖRING’S FISH
Hermann Göring was the fattest big dumb Nazi.
He said, “Guns will make us powerful; butter will only make us fat.”
Butter and a whole bunch of German foods including but far from limited to saurbraten, hasenpfeffer, spanferkel, weinerschnitzel, bratkartoffeln, marzipan, fischbrötchen, schweinshaxe, speckpfannkuchen, leberkäse mit spiegelei, bratwurst, spaetzle, hendl, kartoffelsalat, spargel, pfefferpotthast, currywurst, stollen, kohlroulade, pellkartoffeln, speckpfannkuchen, königsberger klopse, schwarzwälder kirschtorte, mettbrötchen, weihnachtsgans, and rhabarbergrütze made Göring fat.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
spanferkel - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanferkel
fischbrötchen - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fischbr%C3%B6tchen
Schweinshaxe - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schweinshaxe
kartoffelsalat - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potato_salad
Currywurst - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Currywurst
königsberger - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%B6nigsberger_Klopse
schwarzwälder - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schwarzw%C3%A4lder_Kirschtorte
weihnachtsgans - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roast_goose
GÖRING’S LOLLIPOP
Hermann Göring was the fattest big dumb Nazi.
His last meal was by far his smallest.
It was a cyanide capsule.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
HIMMLER’S HATS
Heinrich Himmler was the most conniving big dumb Nazi and, as such, was rewarded by Adolf Hitler with a lot of big dumb Nazi titles.
Himmler was the conniving Reichsführer-SS, and he was the conniving Chief of German Police of the Reich Ministry of the Interior, the conniving Reich Commissioner for Strengthening of the German Nationhood, the conniving Director of the Reich Main Security Office and the conniving Reich Minister of the Interior.
That’s a lot of big dumb Nazi hats.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
BRUNHIMMLER
Heinrich Himmler was the most ruthless big dumb Nazi.
He said such ruthless things as, “The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands respect. Men may hate us. But, we don’t ask for their love; only for their fear.”
A fellow big dumb Nazi SS-Obergruppenführer Erich von dem Bach-Zelewski said, “In my eyes, Himmler was worse than Hitler.”
It takes some kind of worse to be worse than Hitler.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
HEYDRICH'S TIME
Reinhard Heydrich was the nastiest big dumb Nazi.
He was so nasty he had two nasty nicknames: the Hangman and the Butcher of Prague.
Hitler called him “the man with the iron heart.”
Heydrich had lots of nasty jobs. He was SS Obergruppenführer, General der Polizei, chief of the Reichssicherheitshauptamt (including the Gestapo, Kripo and Sicherheitsdienst) and Stellvertretender Reichsprotektor of Bohemia and Moravia.
His nastiest job was chairing the January 1942 Wannsee Conference. The Wannsee Conference formalized the Final Solution.
Heydrich was also an accomplished violinist.
On May 27, 1942, Czech and Slovak soldiers sent by the Slovak government-in-exile in London attacked Heydrich on his way to work in Prague.
Heydrich died of infection from his injuries a week later.
In retaliation, Hitler ordered the village of Lidice razed to the ground. All men and boys over the age of 16 were executed and most women and children were deported to concentration camps.
Even Lidice’s cemetery was dug up and destroyed.
After Heydrich’s death, the Final Solution policies formalized at Wannsee were implemented. The first three death camps were built at Treblinka, Sobibor and Belzec.
The project was named Operation Reinhard in Heydrich’s honor.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 53.3"
Edition of 5
TOY GENERALFELDMARSCHALL KEITEL
Wilhelm Keitel was the big dumb Nazi who groveled most to Hitler.
His big dumb Nazi peers nicknamed him “Lakeitel,” a pun on his name. In German the world lakai means “lackey.”
Keitel was the highest-ranking big dumb Nazi to be tried and executed at Nuremberg.
Before his execution on October 16, 1946, Keitel said, “I call on God Almighty to have mercy on the German people. More than two million German soldiers went to their death for the fatherland before me. I follow now my sons—all for Germany.”
Apparently, in addition to being a big dumb Nazi and a big dumb lackey, Keitel was also a big dumb clueless douche bag.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
IN THE NAZI NAVY (KARL DÖNITZ)
Karl Dönitz was a big dumb Nazi who doesn’t get enough credit for being a big dumb Nazi.
In 1939, Adolf Hitler named Dönitz Befehlshaber der Unterseeboote (BdU). In English, this meant Dönitz was Commander of the Submarines. As Commander of the Submarines, Dönitz waged a merciless war against allied shipping.
In 1943, Hitler promoted Dönitz to a Grossadmiral and promoted him to Oberbefehlshaber der Kriegsmarine. In other non-German words, Dönitz was a now a Grand Admiral and Commander in Chief of the German Navy.
Dönitz remained fiercely loyal to Hitler until the end. After the failed attempt on Hitler’s life on July 20, 1944, Dönitz gushed, “In comparison to Hitler we are all pipsqueaks. Anyone who believes he can do better than the Fuhrer is stupid.”
Dönitz’s adoration did not go unnoticed by Hitler. On May 2, 1945, according to Hitler’s last will and testament, Dönitz, not Hermann Goring, Heinrich Himmler or Joseph Goebbels, succeeded the post-suicide Hitler as Staatsoberhaupt or Head of the Reich. This upset Goring, Himmler and Goebbels.
Dönitz escaped with his neck at the Nuremberg trials and spent 10 years in Spandau Prison. He wrote two memoirs in which he argued that as a soldier he was not morally responsible for the Third Reich’s crimes.
In those memoirs he failed to mention he once said, “I would rather eat dirt than see my grandchildren grow up in the filthy poisonous atmosphere of Jewry.”
Dönitz died of a heart attack on Christmas Eve 1980.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
BIG DUMB NAZI ADMIRAL DÖNITZ
Karl Dönitz was the smartest big dumb Nazi.
He had an IQ of 138.
However, his high IQ did not prevent him from saying dumb stuff such as, “In comparison to Hitler we are all pipsqueaks. Anyone who believes he can do better than the Fuhrer is stupid.”
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
BIG DUMB NAZI TEA PARTY
Big dumb Nazis liked their stuff big, dumb and Nazi.
They liked their Nuremberg Rallies big and dumb.
They liked their parades big and dumb.
They liked their architecture big and dumb.
They liked their logo big and dumb.
And since Hitler was a teetotaler, they no doubt like their tea parties big and dumb.
2014
Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag
44" x 162"
Edition of 5