GÖRING'S LUNCH
THE HITLERMOBILE
Every evil dictator worth his salt has a sweet ride.
Hitler, being quite the evil dictator, was no exception.
In 2009, a Russian gazillionaire bought Hitler’s ride, a bulletproof Mercedes-Benz 770K sedan, for $8.3 million.
$8.3 million is a lot of money for a Hitlermobile.
Have you driven a bulletproof Hitlermobile lately?
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 40"
Edition of 5
HIMMLER’S HOMEWORK
Heinrich Himmler was the ugliest Nazi with the worst haircut in the Third Reich.
He was also head of the SS, a particularly ugly bunch of Nazis.
He once said, “One basic principle must be the absolute rule for the SS men—we must be honest, decent, loyal, and comradely to members of our own blood and nobody else. What happens to a Russian or to a Czech does not interest me in the slightest. What the nations can offer in the way of good blood of our type we will take, if necessary by kidnapping their children and raising them here with us. Whether nations live in prosperity or starve to death interests me only so far as we need them as slaves for our culture; otherwise, it is of no interest to me. Whether 10,000 Russian females fall down from exhaustion while digging an antitank ditch interests me only so far as the antitank ditch for Germany is finished.”
Before he was the ugliest Nazi with the worst haircut in the Third Reich, Himmler was an ugly farmer with the worst haircut in German agriculture.
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 40"
Edition of 5
GOEBBEL’S CHAIR
Josef Goebbels was the Third Reich’s minister of propaganda.
He claimed to have learned everything he knew about propaganda from Madison Avenue.
Goebbels said, “The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly—it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over.”
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15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 61.5"
Edition of 5
HEYDRICH’S SKATEBOARD
Reinhard Heydrich was Himmler’s darling.
He was also more evil, ruthless, horrible and cruel than his boss, Himmler.
Lots of Nazis said, “Himmlers Hirn heißt Heydric.”
It means “Himmler’s brain is called Heydrich.”
That is one fucked up brain.
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 50"
Edition of 5
SPEER’S SWASKITA
Albert Speer was Hitler’s architect. He kissed Hitler’s ass a lot.
He said, “The Führer never gave up his youthful love for the building arts. War and revolution, however, so shook the governmental and national life of Germany that Hitler, who had become increasingly concerned with political questions as a soldier, decided to become a politician. . . . Would it not be ridiculous to build houses under such circumstances?”
No, Albert, it would not have been ridiculous.
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 40"
Edition of 5
ROHM’S ROSES
Ernst Rohm was the gay Nazi.
Hitler didn’t believe there was any room for homosexuality in the Master Race.
Homophobic Nazis assassinated gay Nazi Rohm on July 2, 1934.
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 60"
Edition of 5
GÖRING’S LUNCH
Hermann Göring was the fattest Nazi and, as such, enjoyed his lunch, breakfast, dinner and in-between-meals snacks.
Between meals and snacks, fatso said, “Why, of course, the people don’t want war. Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally, the common people don’t want war, neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. . . . Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to do the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.”
Fatso, unfortunately, was right.
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 40"
Edition of 5
THE GREATEST DICTATOR
Charlie Chaplin had fun at Hitler’s expense in his 1940 movie The Great Dictator.
Chaplin and his Hitler mustache play Adenoid Hynkel, the ridiculous dictator of Tomania.
It’s no secret Tomania’s Hynkel is Germany’s Hitler.
Adenoid Hynkel is a great big idiot.
Adolf Hitler is the greatest, biggest idiot.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
Edition of 5
HITLER’S SOFA
The Germans sure liked their Hitler.
Rudolf Hess, a Hitler-liking German, once said, “By this oath we again bind our lives to a man, through whom this is our belief—superior forces act in fulfillment of Destiny. Do not seek Adolf Hitler with your brains; all of you will find him with the strength of your hearts. Adolf Hitler is Germany and Germany is Adolf Hitler.” The Germans sure liked their Hitler and probably argued over who got to sit next to him on his sofa.
2005
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 70"
Edition of 5
HIMMLER ON THE BEACH
Heinrich Himmler was a pathetic, horrible, evil and cruel man, and that made him a good Nazi.
He said, “The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands respect. Men may hate us. But, we don’t ask for their love; only for their fear.”
Apparently, cruelty needs a vacation every now and then.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
Edition of 5
THREE NAZIS IN A TUB
Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three fools in a tub.
And who do you think they be?
Göring, Hitler, Himmler.
Turn them out, knaves all three.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
Edition of 5
THREE OTHER NAZIS IN A TUB
Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three fools in a tub.
And who do you think they be?
Hess, Goebbels, Heydrich.
Turn them out, knaves all three.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
Edition of 5
THREE LESSER-KNOWN NAZIS IN A TUB
Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three fools in a tub.
And who do you think they be?
Lutze, Ley, Dietrich.
Who the fuck are these Nazis?
Viktor Lutze replaced Ernst Rohm as head the Sturmabteilung in 1934. Goebbels wrote in his diaries that Lutze was a man of “unlimited stupidity.”
Robert Ley was head of the German Labor Front. Ley was arrested in his pajamas after the war ended on May 16, 1945. He was sentenced to death at the Nuremberg Trials, but strangled himself on October 24, 1945, while in prison with a towel tied to the toilet pipe in his cell.
Sepp Dietrich began his Nazi career as Hitler’s chauffer and bodyguard and ended up as a general in the Waffen-SS. Hitler also, on occasion, lent his mustache to Dietrich. Apparently, driving Hitler around had its benefits.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
Edition of 5
HEYDRICH SLIPS IN A TUB
In 2008, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 234,094 Americans, aged 15 or older, hurt themselves in the bathroom.
Two-thirds of those accidents happened in the bathtub or shower. Eighty-one percent of those injuries were caused by falls, but only 2.2% of those accidents occurred while getting into the bathtub or shower.
It is unknown how many Nazis slipped in the tub during the Third Reich.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
Edition of 5
THE BIG THREE IN A TUB
The Yalta Conference was held February 4–11, 1945.
Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Josef Stalin discussed what to do with Germany, Germans and the rest of Europe after they got done defeating Hitler.
The Yalta Conference did not take place in a bathtub.
It took place at the Livadia Palace, which, no doubt, had its fair share of bathtubs, as most palaces do.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
Edition of 5
HITLER'S FRONT PORCH (1945)
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The Russian Army.
2005/2014
Color Digital Print | Hahnemuhle Photo Rag 308
40" x 53"
Edition of 5